jez' route

i think im back

2009-03-13T16:23:00.001+08:00

i think i can operate this again.

just in time for my graduation post.

i forgot my password

2007-07-04T13:53:00.000+08:00

finally! i got in! i forgot my stupid password for this account. anyway. thats ok. nothing much as been happening lately anyway. except that he is my classmate. shit. god hates me totally.

anyway. ill update soon. mashadong madami lang kailangan gawin for now. busy kunyari eh.

***
never thought that shout out would make such a big a stir in the world.

moving on phase one

2007-04-25T08:49:00.000+08:00

i finally decided to move on. after hearing stories from my friends regarding wha he has ben saying lately. i kind of realize how unworthy he is.

a couple of weeks back, i had all these feeling mixed up that i was all confused and depressed, butnow, there is only one feeling left: ANGER.

yeah, im mad. im fucking mad at him. damn. i wont go into details why, if youre my friend you've probably heard me babble about why im hating him so much.

question: would you ever forgive him and be friends again?
answer: yes, i would, and we will. but not anytime soon.

so this is phase one.
1. erase his number on your conacts (and his mother's number too)
2. erase all his messages, ergardless of its nature.
3. delete all congratulatory messages you recieve when you announced that you were together.
4. get rid of all your pictures together. if its a group picture, keep only those you look good in or those he looks stupid and foolish in.
5. whenever you remember those good times you had with him, counter-think it with all the bad and sucky things he did to you before you broke up.
6. think of revenge plans
7. start checking out other guys. you may not be committing soon, but atleast you get your hopes up in finding somebody decent, if there is any.
8. prepare yourself for the coming school year, emotionally.
9. when all you find yourself relapsing, drown the feeling in alcohol, or sleep.

phase one, go.

the dumpsite romance that lasted two weeks

2007-04-11T09:44:00.000+08:00

i guess it was too good to be true. finally after three years im inlove with somebody, and that somebody was inlove with me. BIG mistake.

rewind 3 weeks ago...

we had a "thing". he was all sweet. "dear, gusto mo tabi tayo?" "isipin mo nalang anjan ako with you" "dear, i cant understand this garbage called math". i fell.

two weeks ago...
him: "may game ako, would you wait up for me?"
me: "sure, dear"
few hours later...
him: "thanks for waiting up for me"
fast forward a little bit...
him: "i love you"
this is where it all started.
the next night we spent in each others arms watching the sun rise. symbolic for me. a new day, a new life with the man that i love. i guess i shouldve took notice on what is to be seen in the horizon, the biggest dumpsite in the philippines where hundreds of people died because of a trash-slide. i guess it was god's way of telling me the disaster up ahead.

a blissful "love" that i called. a few kilig moments. while i tried to make everybody believe that our love was true regardless of how fast we got together. what was the line again? oh yeah, "whats there to wait for, eh, mahal ko na sya". stupid stupid stupid.

one week ago...
he didnt show up for clearance day, the last time we could probably see each other before i fly to japan. i let it pass. he was scared daw eh, to see his grades. fine. forced myself to understand.
next day, he didnt live up to his promise of sending me my morning message. let it pass. he did something daw. next day, he didnt text me at all, wala daw load. next day, flag bearer of something. hmm. im smelling something not good. i suddenly felt a very familiar feeling. im gonna lose this guy soon.

two nights ago..
after gulping down 2 bottles of gin, i finally had the courage to confront him. i said it all. he said he loved me, and that he didnt want to lose me. love me? but you dont want to talk to me? what? i just told him to think about it, and tell me. i refuse to be the one to end the relationship. he has to end it.

last night.
lo and behold. he broke up with me. and i gave him a piece of my mind.

***
i cant make up something more detailed and elaborate than that. my mind is just clouding with too many thoughts.

i find it hard to breathe.

im back to that endless pit of darkness and lonliness.

its true huh? when you risk big, you lose big.

im back

2007-03-15T14:54:00.000+08:00

ok, so, since my last post i have been overly busy. obvoius isnt it? i coulndt even post a one sentence blog.

anyway, this is what has been happening since..well, the last post:
1. helped organized the Forum's senatorial debate (go LACSON!)
2. beb's birthday! woohoo!
3. im now UNESCO Club-UST's president
4. Pol theory's oral final exams
5. beauty and the beast play
6. dad and jaja went to the US
7. preparing to go to Japan to work

ok, it doesnt seem as much, but the preparation for all of these, god damn! hehe.

***
on a more serious note. i have a batchmate who just passed away. Bom lan Kim, yeah we're not that close, but as my classmate in my senior year, i had moments in my life that was spent with her.
the world has lost another great person.
Rest in peace KIM!

christmas is here, im still waiting in vain

2006-12-19T14:33:00.000+08:00

hahaha. i hate christmas. fucking lonely holidays. i heard somewhere that suicide rate goes uncontrollably high during this season. i guess im not the only oine contemplating it. eheheh. joke.

***
i long for that christmas when the song "and this christmas will be a very special christmas to me" (okay, i dont know the title) will mean something to me

reaction

2006-12-16T08:22:00.000+08:00

i intended to post this as a reply in our yahoo groups, but i changed my mind because i wasnt sure if it was proper and there is a risk that instead of it making things right, it might just make them worse. so since this blog has a smaller number of audience, i decided to just post it here. this is the uncut version.
***

nothing personal.
thats how it should be.

i dont know if commenting/reacting to the recent threads here is proper especially in my case. but then again, i would really just want to contain this before it gets blown out of proportions. remember that all the words that you will be reading hereunder is coming not from a policy board member, not a TPSF member and most importantly, not a winner. all the words following this is coming from your batchmate, just your batchmate.

the election is over. a thing of the past, so lets leave it there. kristine asked us to answer this sort of survey for their project in theology, and the last question there is something like if i can do something to advocate peace and what was it, i couldnt elaborate more on my answer. i wrote there, by shutting up. dont get me wrong, im all for the whole freedom of speech, iam a polsci student and all those other things but sometimes we tend to sensationalize things without noticing it. we just later realize that we have created enemies among each other.

during the campaign period and after the elections, i think we (me,ojay,jet,mario,kim and bagie) have been successful in showing all of you that though we are opponents we are not enemies.i would like to believe that we were able to show you much civility and maturity as well. i just hope that you take that in consideration before reacting.

if were all just concerned with the betterment of the forum, let us not be stucked in the past and move on. support your new line of officers, remember that they only want to serve you. words mean nothing if it is not acompanied by actions, in this case results. so, why dont you just give them a chance first, let them perform, if they dont, then criticize them all you want.

democracy only promises that majority wins, it never promised that EVERYbody will be happy. but since we are all the the consensus of whoever gets the most vote wins, then we just have to accept that. its a fact of life that one can never get everything he/she wants.

its not over, until you get over it. so get over it.

trabaho lang. walang personalan.

***
DISCLAIMER:
wala akong pinapatamaan. kaya wag masyadong sensitive.

campaign period

2006-12-08T20:44:00.000+08:00

december 4: supposedly the first day of the two-day campaign period. unfortunately, it was postponed because of some ridiculous interruptions (actually just interruption, because it was just one reason. and the whole world just had to stop for that reason). kind of got pissed off because i really felt that it was a waste of time that we had to postpone the campaign. and got a little bit more pissed when we were told that we had to campaign in all the sections on the next day.

december 5: had to start early to cover all grounds, in this case, all sections of pol sci. first section, 1POL2. did terrible. maybe because it was the first class, maybe because we weren't really warmed up yet, i don't know. next was 1POL1, did a little bit better. a little bit more organized, actually we had some time to practice (choreograph) what we're supposed to do inside the class. then my batch. it was time for bagie and i to speak. 2POL2 first, my class. i spoke so fast, i was in and out of there in less than one minute i think. then 2POL1. i knew i had to do much better, to elaborate more on my platform. after my speech, comparing my two performances, i know that i did much better in 2POL1. then third year. for both sections, i think i can only give one general characteristic, uncomfortable. maybe i knew already that it wasnt really our bulwark. anyway, that's really just part of the reality of life. some will accept you, some wont. fourth year. this was actually a much better crowd because i know for a fact that they are supporters of us.

december 6: anxiety attack.

december 7: meeting de avance. got to school around 10. had a last minute training with the "bossings". ate with them and headed for the venue. when we got there, said a short prayer and made a trip to the girl's room.then it began. round one. privilege speech. toss coin and we lost, so we had to go first. when i started my speech i knew i wasnt going to do well, damn. my speech was going around and around and around that i couldnt get my message across. i knew i had to do so much better than that. round two. debate. i was not really asked, but whenever i saw a chance to answer i took it, and from what my blockmates had said, i did well. round three. q&a. jean asked me, i answered. then it got dirty. people started to ask controversial questions and it started to get personal. towards the end, the third years were fighting with the seniors and we candidates were up on stage being forgotten. great. after the meeting de avance we met up with the "bossings" once again t evaluate our performance. as expected, they didnt actually like it. well, i kind of expected it because these people are really very critical in things like this. all i know is that the party gave its best and at the end of the day that's what matters most.

on monday, votes will be casted. that day will determine the future of the forum. hopefully the present will not be the same case in the future (gets?). there are too many things to do, too many problems to solve, too many goals to achieve. hopefully members of the forum will vote for the benefit of the forum. hopefully, when they vote, they look beyond shallow reasons and vote for who they think can really turn the forum into what it was envisioned to be.

***
to my party-mates, a job well done for us. i knew the hardships that we had to go through. above anything else, i know that deep inside our hearts, we only want to serve the forum, that it made us take a chance in running.

to the other party, it was a good fight, though not yet over, as early as today, i can say that it has been and will be so. win or lose, i hope we keep that flame that inspired us to run and to serve the forum.

***
to my support system, though i wasnt able to see you all through these hard days, knowing that you still believe in me made me strong enough to face the challenges thrown on me and the adversity of this journey. once again, for the millionth time, thank you and i love you.

i cant think of title

2006-12-03T12:43:00.000+08:00

so let us recap what has happened to me these past few days:

1. attended a symposium with Rep. Chis Escudero as the speaker. had a photo taken with him as well. (heart beating fast..idol!)

2. got called for recitation in pol theory. gave an unsatisfying answer

3. mom got mad at me. so?

4. attended my cousin's wedding.

5. heard about max's death, freakin' made me sad.

okay, basically that's it. not much. other things that has transpired that i decided not to post here may be things that i wouldnt want to remember or probably things that are not worth writing about.

anyway, i'll probably write some melodramatic entry soon. or a something that's politically inclined. whatever. but definitely i'll be posting one soon, the first chance i get.

this time...it has to work out

2006-11-21T15:05:00.000+08:00

after six months of not speaking to each other, we finally reconciliated. may i say that those six months has not been easy for me, and probably for her to. the thing is, we usually confided with each other, but this past months we've learned just how to travel through life independently. (well, not really for me because bebang was there. luv u dear.)

im also not saying that its an easy way to bringing back what we had then. i actually had some reservation with regards to this matter because i dont want to make myself vulnerable to the pain again. but i have to try right? we have to try.

there is one condition though. this time around, our relationship should work out. no more of those petty misunderstanding, or being left behind, or not speaking with each other for so long. it should work out. i has to.

***
i guess i will be updating this more regularly now, since computer class happens twice a week and if i finish an activity ahead of time i can do whatever i want, that is if i get to finish any activity. hehe.

***
mino showed a picture of a girl's areola that is infested with larva. ew. shit. i still shiver with disgust whenever i remember it. ew. so girls, wash your undies thoroughly, disenfect if you have to. ew.

till next time.

damn it!

2006-10-31T13:28:00.000+08:00

pucha. may girlfriend na ung crush ko 5 years ago. punyeta.
kala ko pa naman mauunahan ko sya. tang ina. nauubusan na ko ng oras! ahahhahahha!

changes

2006-10-28T13:11:00.000+08:00

how unoriginal right? the title? how many blogs have you read with that title? but in my defense, it is fitting. especially with the current circumstances.

at home...
dad is leaving for the us (fuck the philippines' economic status)
mom might leave
kuya left

at school...
im loving ust. finally. this feeling is long over due. i dont know if its just because of the basketball thing (GO USTe!) or something else, but im definitely loving it.
im having genuine fun with my blockmates (and batchmates).
well, ok, one thing hasnt changed yet, i still dont havnt failed a subject yet. BWAHAH! in your face comparative politics!

my "barkada"...
i miss them, but i guess im getting used to it.
im not mad, not angry...worst im disappointed at her. after all these years, she cant even talk to me. i dont get that crap that she doesnt know what to say or she's afraid to approach me, fuck! and besides,if i am that important wouldnt she just take the risk? am i not worth that risk?

and then there is me...
ive changed (again)
i guess im not that strong anymore (emotionally)
i know how to commute now. really commute. train, jeep, fx, bus bring it on!

sigh. im in a computer shop so that's my excuse for writing a shallow entry. i cant pour out my feelings here, i think the korean guy beside me is reading my entry. damn you!

***

I gave up coffee and cigarettes I hate to say it hasn’t helped me yet I thought my problems would just dissipate And all my pain would be in yesterday I poured my booze all down the kitchen drain And watched my bad habits get flushed away I thought that that would keep my head on straight And all my pain would be in yesterday But it’s true I’m still blue But I finally know what to do I must quit, I must quit….. you. I thought that if I didn’t go and play The sadness would get bored and go away I thought that if I didn’t go astray That all my pain would be in yesterday But it’s true I’m still blue But I finally know what to do I must quit, I must quit….. you. I sold my guitar and my piano I thought that it was these that kept me low I thought if only I could try and change That all my pain would be in yesterday But it’s true I’m still blue But I finally know what to do I must quit, I must quit…. You. I must quit, I must quit…. You.

abangan ang susunod na kabanata

2006-10-11T21:57:00.000+08:00

friday.

ill see them all again. the day would probably be filled with drama. or not. until now im not sure if i can really face them. if im ready.

2 more days to go and first sem will be over. crunch time. i think im going to fail math. damn.

GROWL vs. tweet

2006-10-03T07:32:00.000+08:00

a cinderella story it was.

im so freakin happy not because ust won but because ATENEO lost.

so let me comment on a few things.

when they said that the game was "luto":
-well, lets just say LOSERS make excuses.

the worst thing about being in second place:
-your the FIRST LOSER

actually thats it. hehe.

im a convert now. honestly, i never really supported ust (maka lasalle), but this season changed all that.

we'll see you again next season!

GO USTe!

THOMASIAN and PROUD!

still busy

2006-09-27T09:15:00.000+08:00

i guess the pressure of being in college is now kicking in.

lack of sleep. tons of papers to write. recitations. readings. quizzes. finals. phew. oh yeah, plus orgs.

i miss you beb. eleu.

quite busy

2006-08-09T09:49:00.000+08:00

will update soon.

one major event coming up.
prelims today, tomorrow and the day after that.
think piece in the process.
palpitations. beat. beat. beat.

i must quit you

2006-07-09T22:52:00.000+08:00

after everything that has happened to me this past year,i guess, i came to realize that i just have to let go of some things. it is never like me to quit on things but this time i think i have to make some considerations...

first, i must quit thinking about my "friends" who really doesnt perform as such anyway. the title of being my friend is most of the time not appropriate for them.

second, i must quit him (for all of you who knows me well, u know who he is). its has been years, i know for sure that i have to let go, and i think i did.

third. let go of the prime years which was high school. i always say to people who acts immaturely "thats so high school" but even i cant really let go of it. what was done in those great four years is done, no more coming back. memories are good, but if it hinders me from being great in a great field in which iam in, i have to let go of it.

lastly, i think i have to let go of every pain, disappointment, anger, bitterness and all the other negative energies that i kept dwelling inside of me all these years. its time for me to unburden myself with it, to start all over again.

its time.

yep manuel is going to laugh at this line...

i must re.define

wasting time

2006-07-03T18:21:00.000+08:00

im in the library with dirty dianna. im waiting for my sister. im wasting time.

i still have a paper to write (due tomorrow)
i still have to read rizal
i still have to catch some sleep

***
finally my account in NSTP is activated.whew.

***
i think i should be careful with what i write here since i posted the address to this blog in the NSTP discussion board thing. naku.

so far...

2006-06-26T21:34:00.000+08:00

since school started i havnt really updated my blog. i assumed before i even started this blogging thing that ill fall short on updating it.

anyway, these are the things that has been happening to me since god knows when:

1. got transferred to POL2

2. learned how to commute all the way home

3. joined five orgs (yes, five...) namely: Circulo Hispano Tomasino, Unicef, Unesco, Alpha Phi Omega and Batas tomasino

4. went to karla's debut

5. found out the source of my pseudo-depression last summer

6. realized i want to be a diplomat more than i want to be a lawyer

7. gave good answers to almost all of my recitations (hayup!)

8. missed two sundays of church

9. ate chicharon for 3 consecutive days

10. set up 2POL2's yahoo group

11. got pissed of with one of my friends. saya ba?

12. lost sleep

13. i dont watch tv that much anymore because of my damn schedule

14. found out "close proximity"s real name (but not yet sure...)

15. didnt drink beer for the first time in a party

16. ma'am peppin married?

17. science sucks.

18. typing my latest blog entry.

so, if you've noticed, nothing is pretty much happening in my life. so, i guess that justifies why im not updating my blog right?

hehe.

***
maybe we'll meet at a bar, he'll drive a funky car
maybe we'll meet at a club, and fall so deeply inlove
he'll tell me im the one, and we'll have so much fun
i'll be the girl of his dreams...maybe...

waiting (or looking) for that certain someone

2006-05-30T15:42:00.000+08:00

inspired once again by the blog of one of my friends, i decided to write this new entry. and to change the title of my blog at that.

it been three years, i think, since i lost the one i love. its probably entirely my fault. i kind of pushed him away until he fell for this other girl. we ended up going to the same school in college, which made it inevitable for us to see each other and talk to each other. i never really did let go of him, ive tried, i even forced myself to believe that i have. but deep down, i just knew that he is still there.

time came when i just coudnt take it anymore. i just needed to hear from him that he didnt love me anymore and he never wants to have a relationship with me besides the "friendship" that we have. and he did, he told me those things. painful? yes. but it was finally time to let go.

i think i did. had this sort of relationship with this guy. but it didnt last (literally), but it was ok because atleast i knew i can now muster enough strength to have a relationship with other guys. i didnt concentrate on that though. i just cant use a big part of my day looking for the next boyfriend. well, looking or waiting, whatever suits you.

i found the best way to forget someone though, the TV. i can honestly say that the TV is now my bestfriend, and besides books and the internet, the TV is the best source of info.

dont get me wrong though, im not totally blocking out the idea of having a boyfriend. i just dont want a boyfriend, i want a nice, sensible relationship with a guy who is inlove with me and im inlove with him. the words nice and sensible still need a lot of explanation but i want do it now.

but as what this friend of mine wrote in his blog "when the right person comes, she better be ready for a happy ending" or something like that. im just looking/waiting for that right person who will share with me that happy ending (or better yet, no ending!). maybe its him again, or maybe its some other great guy out there. i dont know.

i feel hot

2006-03-31T10:13:00.000+08:00

summer is here.

and in between the heat and the sweat, i just cant find you.

one year down, three more to go!

2006-03-23T19:43:00.000+08:00

freshman year is finally O-V-E-R...OVER!

hahaha. i never thought i would last for so long.

to sum it all up..it was great. its much more fun than what i have imagined it would be. having a half day morning class, i had all the time in the world. but that is just part of the reason why i found freshman year great.

the most significant reason is that i belong to 1POL1. for those who knows our class, knows how great we are, be it at academics or sports or anything, 1POL1 is the best. (proud!)

next is that i found a sense of what "freedom" really is.

iam intellectually stimulated.

i still managed to keep in touch with most of MAGHARI.

grades are more than ok.

i will pass math.

i was a student of the greatest teachers in the philippines (prof.dr. co, atty bong lopez, ferdie lopez. prof. dr. vasco and the others. just try to check their credentials.)

found really good new friends.

STILL single. but not alone.

well, that's basically the most important reasons, but there are a lot more.

looking forward to sophomore year.

polsci toh!

the future of AB

2006-02-14T09:04:00.000+08:00

before anything else, let me just say that im writing this sort of serious, hopefully intelligible entry because i was inspired by my blockmate's blog entries. i realized while i was reading his blogs that i have not (ever) written an entry that is actually substantial in nature. majority, if not all of my entries are actually non-sense, focusing on love failures and boring days. so, here i am, typing, trying to compose an entry that will embody the collegiate (pol sci) attitude and persona within me.

***
in a few more days, the CSC and ABSC elections will transpire. students of different backgrounds, ideology and walks of life will determine the future of the thomasian studentry by simply writing a set of names on a piece of paper. it is sad to note that majority of these students will vote unwisely, and its a given and accepted fact. like in any election, personality politics is the game the candidates play.

i would like to focus more on the ABSC elections specifically because i cannot impose upon my judgment on the CSC due to the reason that i barely know how they run their system. so, in this case, i will start on one of the cell student councils, the ABSC.

being a student leader myself during my highschool days, i can honestly say that there is something wrong with the ABSC, particularly on how they lead and represent the student body. there is a lack of efficiency in performing their respective jobs. the students apathy is becoming more and more rampant, and there is no program to fight it. in my opinion, and i mean no disrespect to anybody in position, the officers are just there so we can say the we have a student council, and so that they can have something to flourish their resumes.

it is disappointing to see that the ABSC is deteriorating, considering its history. being the first student organization after the declaration of martial law, and having been producing great leaders of the country. nowadays, just a simple project cannot be executed smoothly by the council. moreover, the students does not even know who their officers are.

suggestions, comments, grievances, frustrations towards the SC has no proper channel of expression, and this leads to dissatisfied students. knowing that the SC, the people who we all assumed to be embodying our ideals and voicing our cries, are just nodding their heads to the administrations, and this leaves the students with no choice but to get infuriated with them.

the question is this, will the next set of officers pioneer change? or will they just sit on their butts the whole year around wasting the votes of the students who placed them in position?

the future of the faculty of arts and letters is not so far ahead, whether the officers that will be elected are from GAP, DEKADA, SDP or INDEPENDENT does not matter. it is high time that the leaders of AB actually LEAD, lead to SERVE. if not now, when? let us not wait until the time when students no longer has ineterest and care for our dear faculty. the time is now, as we look forward to a better future of the faculty of arts and letters.

***
whoa.

MAGHARI: the reunion

2006-01-31T09:32:00.000+08:00

and finally it was done.

after weeks of sleepless nights and hard working days, the reunion was finally over...and what a success it was!

the food was just enough, the drinks was over flowing, the dance floor was rocking, the program was entertaining and most importantly, the people was happy. who wouldnt be? we were like a family torn apart by circumstance, and for that one night, we were back together, as strong and as united as ever.

wilshire plaza was the perfect place, not so big yet not so small. there is a place there near the comfort rooms that when you look outside the railings (far left then down) you'll see a perfect view of the camp crame parade grounds, the home of Maghari.

i was ecstatic all through out the night, finally, i saw them all. the people that i love, the people i place utmost dignity and respect, maghari.

manuel told me that when we were in highschool we had batch mates that we never actually talked to, but now, when we see them, they actually make our day complete, it is just enough to know that they are there. how right this statement is.

i woul like to thank everybody who made this event a success: micz, eleu,
del, everlo, babs, bebang, marla, awi, di, den, jan, pao, manuel, icey, vincent, sha, alda, badas, als and everybody else (if i forgot to mention you) you are totally appreciated. im looking forward to working with you again next year.

to everybody, next year ulit.

partei.

reunion reunion reunion

2006-01-28T16:38:00.000+08:00

for the past few weeks that is all i have been thinking about. reunion reunion reunion. i even sacrificed a couple of my classes just to attend to the needs of the event. but its all gonna be worth it.

praying for an UNrainy day (micz said). rain rain go away come again another day... the rain has always been a blessing to us, why would today be any different? hmm. no rain tonight. either ways, im gonna party, rain or shine.

reunion reunion reunion.

wah!

you said you'd be coming back this way again

2006-01-13T21:38:00.000+08:00

i just had to know the lyrics to this song:

superstar
by the carpenters

Long ago, and, oh, so far awayI fell in love with you before the second show.
Your guitar, it sounds so sweet and clear,but you're not really here.
It's just the radio.

Don't you remember you told me you love me baby?
You said you'd be coming back this way again baby
Baby, baby, baby, baby, oh, baby.
I love you, I really do.

Loneliness is such a sad affair, and I can hardly waitto be with you again.
What to say, to make you come again?
Come back to me again,
and play your sad guitar.

its back to school once again

2006-01-05T10:25:00.000+08:00

first day of school for 2006. guess what? i was LATE AGAIN! good thing though, my prof was absent AGAIN! some things just never change! bagong taon na! magbago na kayo! hehe. oh yeah, ms. peppin was late too! hehe!

anyway, socio class was still the same, ms. peppin telling us all these stories. theology, so and so. but for logic, it was damn fun! we had this game where my prof (prof. dr. alfredo p. co that is. ehem! for those of you who doesnt know him, too bad!) would point at you, he will say the letter symbol of a logical quantifier and you have to cite an example within three seconds! sounds easy? hell no! it was damn confusing! the catch was we had to stand if we get it wrong or if we were not able to answer, the second time that we cant answer, we stand on our chairs. third time around, we have to stand on the teacher's table. macky and ken can consider the teacher's table as their new home. hehe. i for one remained seated all through out the game. ehem!

bought a new planner today. i plan to put my life back on track again. i was surprised to see that my january is jammed packed already. happy new year! hehe.

an all new everything

2006-01-02T20:18:00.000+08:00

new year. new hopes. new dreams. new dramas. new me.

as i look back on the past year, i can now say, with utmost pride and confidence, that 2005 was the best year ever. no waords can actually suffice to describe this ecstacy that i feel with the conclusion of 2005. i just know that in that year, my dreams came true, my goals were achieved, i survived every heartache, pain and disappointment. no struggle was too hard. it was in that year that i became a better person.

i never make new year's resolutions. and still i wont make one now. i wil just start to look at things in a different perspective now. to be a little bit more of a risk taker. if the risk doesnt involve death, il take it! haha.

happy new year everybody.

***
i would like to thank my blockmate who gave me the idea of my new blog title. thanks.

***
the first thing i did in 2006 was play uno cards with my sister and sis in law. UNO! this is going to be a great year! haha.

***
beb, get ready for an all new and more intense drama in our lives. keep me close, ur tissue paper closer.

***
happy new year everybody.

fireworks

2005-12-28T18:41:00.000+08:00

went to EK yesterday with zykhar, sir, his two kids and als. initially als wasnt really with us, he was just "on-call" hehe. i called him up and told him to go to EK and after an hour and a half, he was there with us.

daming tao.

rides, arcades, the usual stuff...but there was one thing that i loved the most (drum roll please...) the fireworks. for about 5 minutes, i gazed up the starless sky awestricken with the majestic display of fireworks. it was WOW.

i love fireworks. the good ones, not the noisy ones. the one with a lot of colors.

christmas or new year? i would choose new year with no hesitations.

merry christmas?

2005-12-24T19:25:00.000+08:00

four and a half hours to go and its christmas. right now, people are starting to greet others a "merry christmas", so, what's so merry about it?

the answer to that question, damn, i sure do not know. i just coulndt see anything so merry about it. its just cold and damn lonely. damn. damn. damn.

its the first christmas where i did my shopping quite late, i just finished today. its the first christmas where my parents didnt display our old christmas tree. its the first christmas where i know im just not into it.

im still greeting people, i dont want to suck the life out of their christmas spirit, also i dont want to attract people who feels the same way towards the holiday, "misery loves company" doesnt really apply to me right now.

can anybody out there tell me what i should be happy about? and i dont freakin want cliche answers like: "your family, friends, you eat 3 times a day, u study in a good school blah blah" im not saying im not thankful for these thing, i am. i just dont think its enough reason to actually feel sincerely happy. its mean, i know.

anyway. im starting to feel pissed off again, for some reason that is not worth writing about.

so merry christmas to you all. dont be like me. celebrate.

the bilibid trip: a change in perspective

2005-12-22T19:16:00.000+08:00

i forgot the exact date when we had a class trip to bilibid prison, in any way its actually insignificant.

i have never been in a prison before this trip, so my idea of a prison was like that of the movies where prisoners are kept in dirty cells and they act like really creepy (and crazy) people,i was so wrong.

the first thing i saw as we entered the premises of bilibid was a tennis court, yes a TENNIS court. i felt pissed off when i saw it,i even commented out loud "akala ko ba kulungan toh? eh, bat may tennis court??!" i had this idea that prisoners should be deprived of having fun because they're..prisoners..simply because they're prisoners. to make things more confusing, there was a very peaceful lake beautfying the place, at that point i just had to say "eh, recreational center ata toh eh!". i will later find out and realize why these courts and lakes are present in the area.

the first stop was the maximim security. we were not allowed to go inside the actual area where the prisoners were kept, we had to go up this sort of roof top and view them from there. i felt uneasy doing so because it seemed as if we were looking at an aquarium and the creatures inside of it was a lower being than us. i didnt feel comfortable looking at them at all.

we went to the museum after. the only thing worth writting about was the pictures of the criminals that was put to death (echegaray and the others). the other "historical" things is just so and so.

our last stop was the medium security where we will actually had an interaction with the inmates (the prisoners, i stopped calling them "prisoners" at this point of the trip). but before i further elaborate on what transpired during the interaction, i just have to write what had happened to our class right before we went inside the medium security.

okay. so we were in the bus and our professor told us to stay inside the bus, being the very bibbo and obedient class that we are, we stayed inside, 15 mins had passed, we stayed inside,30, we stayed,45, still inside, an hour, we remained, an hour and thirty, we were still there. we were inside the bus, hungry and getting restless. im not sure if we reached the two hour mark because i lost count after an hour and thirty. anyway. after waiting for so long, charles decided to go inside the medium security to look for our prof to ask what we should do already, well, lo and behold, our prof forgot us. (she said she was sorry already so, no prob maam. bawi naman sa yosi eh wink wink hehe) the truth is, our time spent inside the bus was a great moment, it actually bonded the class, so...its all good.

after the long uneccessary wait, we finally went inside the medium security and i was assigned an innmate. kuya junior was my inmate but our interaction was joined ny two of my blockmates and the inmate assigned to them. i remember when i entered the visitation area, i was holdin on to ken's back pack so tight because i was so nervous (it was a prison for god sakes...). the guard told me to follow him, so i did, i was wondering why i wasnt assigned an innmate when i entered because all the others before me was assigned an inmate as they entered the visitation area. the guard led me outside the visitation area and i got do nervous i went back inside still claspping on ken's back pack, the guard looked at me and told me to follow him because he was my inmate. huh? i got so confused he later told me that the inmates like him(ex-military or ex-serviced men) are given duties inside if they volunteer for it, i felt so stupid.

the first thing i asked the inmates that was with us was, ofcourse, what was the reason why thy're in there. kuya junior and the other (i forgot his name,sorry) is in because they killed a civilian while on duty. the other one was in for hazing (and killing) a lower class man in PMA. my next question was a question that i just had to ask fromt he moment i saw the tennis court. i asked the inmates why they had those recreational things (yes, as i look back, it was kinda mean). simple, they told me, it was for correctional use. you see, bilibid is not a place where the state keeps outlaws and just let them rott inside, bilibid is an institute where these lost individual are being helped to go back to the right path. bilibid is a correctional institute not really a prison ( as in movie prison). i felt more stupid after hearing this.

after the interaction, the inmates had a small production for us, they sang, they actualy have a choir, and it was good. they danced, and they were great, they also had a skit, which was really funny. i can actually see the happiness and the fulfillment in there eyes when they were having the production. this was the turning moment. these people should be given second chances, just like all of us. after they pay the price of there mistake, they should be accepted once again in the society like normal human beings. people make mistakes, we all do, so why treat them differently or look at them like they're such a disgrace?

it was already dark when we got back in ust. as we alighted the bus we gave each other a short hug and a beso for the girls. it was a great day.

***
im in the process of deconstruction
***
special mention: KIM! ehehhehe! just tell him u have a gift for him! luv u dear.
***
merry christmas?

a song for you

2005-12-19T18:53:00.000+08:00

losin' the love

There are days when I regret it
The things I said to you
I put my trust in no one
It broke my heart and I blamed it on you
You are kind and oh so gentle
But I refused to see
That someone like you exsisted
I was somewhere in denial
While you were loving me

I cried myself to sleep last night
When I woke up
There were tear stains on my pillow
It hurt so much to sacrifice what I gave up
Without you in my life
I will always feel lonely
Losing the love
From someone like you

Not a day goes by without something
Reminding me of you
The truth is that I miss you
It gets so hard not being with you
There are times when I go crazy
In the twilight of the night
How I long to be your woman again
There's a pain that I hold
That will not let me go

I don't wanna make this too hard
But I just wanna be where you are
In your life, by your side, forever

funny stuff

2005-12-17T10:20:00.000+08:00

Your Ideal Relationship is Marriage

You've dated enough to know what you want.
And that's marriage - with the right person.
You're serious about settling down some time soon.
Even if you haven't met the person you want to get hitched to!

What's Your Ideal Relationship?

How You Life Your Life

You seem to be straight forward, but you keep a lot inside.
You say whatever is on your mind. Other people's reactions don't phase you.
You tend to have one best friend you hang with, as opposed to many aquaintences.
Some of your past dreams have disappointed you, but you don't let it get you down.

How Do You Live Your Life?

You Are Somewhat Machiavellian

You're not going to mow over everyone to get ahead...
But you're also powerful enough to make things happen for yourself.
You understand how the world works, even when it's an ugly place.
You just don't get ugly yourself - unless you have to!

How Machiavellian Are You?

Your Seduction Style: Au Natural

You rank up there with your seduction skills, though you might not know it.
That's because you're a natural at seduction. You don't realize your power!
The root of your natural seduction power: your innocence and optimism.

You're the type of person who happily plays around and creates a unique little world.
Little do you know that your personal paradise is so appealing that it sucks people in.
You find joy in everything - so is it any surprise that people find joy in you?

You bring back the inner child in everyone you meet with your sincere and spontaneous ways.
Your childlike (but not childish) behavior also inspires others to care for you.
As a result, those who you befriend and date tend to be incredibly loyal to you.

What Kind of Seducer Are You?

Cheese Pizza

Traditional and comforting.
You focus on living a quality life.
You're not easily impressed with novelty.
Yet, you easily impress others.

What's Your Pizza Personality?

Your Pimp Name Is...

Peachy Money

What's Your Pimp Name?

Your Brain's Pattern

Your mind is a creative hotbed of artistic talent.
You're always making pictures in your mind, especially when you're bored.
You are easily inspired to think colorful, interesting thoughts.
And although it may be hard to express these thoughts, it won't always be.

What Pattern Is Your Brain?

You're An Angry Drunk

Ever wake up with sore knuckles and a black eye? Thought so.

What Kind of Drunk Are You?

Your Porn Star Name Is...

Glory Hole

What's Your Porn Star Name?

The Movie Of Your Life Is Film Noir

So what if you're a little nihilistic at times?
Life with meaning is highly over-rated.

Your best movie matches: Sin City, L. A. Confidential, Blade Runner

If Your Life Was a Movie, What Genre Would It Be?

You Are Balanced - Skeptic - Empowered

You feel your life is controlled both externally and internally.
You have a good sense of what you can control and what you should let go.
Depending on the situation, you sometimes try to exert more control.
Other times, you accept things for what they are and go with the flow.

You are a total skeptic when it comes to luck.
You believe that people use luck as a crutch to avoid responsibility.
You control your own destiny. The universe has nothing to do with it.
You believe everything can be explained - and you tend to over analyze situations.

You have a good deal of power, but you also know the pecking order.
You realize that working the system does get you further.
You know who to defer to and who to control.
When it comes to the game of life, you play things flawlessly.

The Three Dimension Luck and Power Test

You Are A Margarita Martini

You are a full on partier, with a good deal of sass and spunk.
You're always friendly and welcoming - and very tolerant of obnoxious drunks.

You should never: Drink and dance. The pictures will be everywhere the next morning!

Your ideal party: Is loud, with good music and fun drinking games.

Your drinking soulmates: Those with a Dirty Martini personality

Your drinking rivals: Those with a Classic Martini personality

What Flavor Martini Are You?

You Are Mud Pie

You're the perfect combo of flavor and depth
Those who like you give into their impulses

What Kind of Pie Are You?

Your Personality Profile

You are dignified, spiritual, and wise.
Always unsatisfied, you constantly try to better yourself.
You are also a seeker of knowledge and often buried in books.

You tend to be philosophical, looking for the big picture in life.
You dream of inner peace for yourself, your friends, and the world.
A good friend, you always give of yourself first.

The World's Shortest Personality Test

Your Eyes Should Be Brown

Your eyes reflect: Depth and wisdom

What's hidden behind your eyes: A tender heart

What Color Should Your Eyes Be?

Your Heart Is Blue

Love is a doing word for you. You know it's love when you treat each other well.
You are a giving lover, but you don't give too much. You expect something in return.

Your flirting style: Friendly

Your lucky first date: Lunch at an outdoor cafe

Your dream lover: Is both generous and selfish

What you bring to relationships: Loyalty

What Color Heart Do You Have?

just passing the time away...

2005-12-16T16:26:00.000+08:00

in the library with nothing to do. waiting for my sister again.

upcoming posts:
the bilibid trip
my message for you: part two
christmas is just around the corner

***
sheryll and i was stalking prof. dr. vasco a while ago. hehe. o? asan na sya? laugh laugh =)

how much longer?

2005-12-05T22:09:00.000+08:00

"...love will lead you back in my arms" as the song goes.

how much longer shall i wait?
how much longer shall i suffer?
how much longer shall i pay my debt of pain?
how much longer shall i feel the emptiness of your absence?
how much longer?
how much longer shall you hide what you really feel?

if you dont love me just tell me.

***
do you wanna run away together?
***

wanderer

2005-12-03T16:13:00.000+08:00

its better to be lost rather than be one of those who walks around with no destination.

the emptiest moment in my life occurs everyday, from the moment i step inside the espana gate of ust. i walk from there to st raymunds building. its actually a long straight walk. the trees lined up aesthetically in the benevides park (or the lovers lane) then the antique main building, the calm tinoco park then st raymunds. the scenery makes me take my time to think or ponder about things that is currently disturbing or confusing me, even if i know im already late for my first class. as i look forward i see where im going and yet i feel like i have nowhere to go.

i must find myself soon for i feel myself crumbling down. and the rubles that i will leave behind will not suffice to tell the story of my life.

***

try to look beyond the past
then ull find the love that'll last
like your promise of eternity
i give my pledge of fidelity
pain has stricken us
it may have brought us too far apart
but true love will bind us once more
and it'll heal the hearts that we tore

***

VOTE ZYKHAR!

2005-11-28T11:45:00.000+08:00

vote my sister for ms.pharmacy sa ust!!!!!

text IVOTE MSPHARMA ZYKHAR YOUR NAME
ex. IVOTE MSPHARMA ZYKHAR JEZ

send to:
globe 2336
sun 2218
smart 5336

itl help her alot.

spread the word too.

thanks!!!!

strolling down memory lane

2005-11-27T14:05:00.001+08:00

go SENIORS

winning the cup

leading the way

simply having fun

finding comfort in each other

the times when we had nothing to lose

highschool. its more than just education. its life.

just a thought

2005-11-24T07:02:00.000+08:00

if a man loves you, nothing can keep him away. if he doesnt, nothing can make him stay.

a message for you...part one

2005-11-23T08:50:00.001+08:00

from 360.

for everybody:
I MISS YOU.

for ces:
its nice having you. still having you. honestly, i really thought (back in highschool) that we'd lose touch when college comes. i was so wrong. being BESTFRIENDS is stronger than college. you existence doesnt cease to remind me of my potentialities. your achievements inspire me to achieve more. i havnt told you this but, im studying really hard now, because i can see that in you and im assimilating that quality.i love you ces, and i hope that you can hold on. being "single" is not all that bad. trust me. ang tagal ko na 'ring ganyan. hehe. i know we dont get to talk to each other everyday and im not usually there with you at parties or whatever, but our friendship goes beyond that. for me, the mere idea that i have you is enough to make me see clearly. no words no action is needed. life is a whole lot better knowing i have ces in my heart.

for bebz:
what DONT you know about me? sigh. i look back at the days when i could just hug you whenever and wherever, calling you "bebangkong", telling you my heartaches (well i still do this right?) anyway. thanks beb, for simply being there. for answering your phone when im in desperate need of someone to talk to. for missing me. for greeting me goodmorning. for bidding me farewell. for reminding me to take care, for telling me "ok lng yan" and for calling him "loser-f*cker" to cheer me up. i just wouldnt know what to do without you beb.

for micz:
my day is just so much happier when im with you. i cant remember a time when i felt sad when youre around me. its so good to have a friend that has the same appetite as i do. ano cloud9 marathon?! hehe. more so, i feel blessed to have a friend that is of the same faith. we can talk about this and that about religion without having to think if we are offending each other. i wouldnt have been able to manage the intrams (both) if you werent there helping me to do so. hey, start eating your vegetables ok? puro preservatives na yang katawan mo! haha!

for kace:
clean air? clean lungs? DI RIN! haha. i miss you so much kace! "when the wheel of love starts turning there are no more rules" remember that, especially now that (finally) you have a boyfriend (no more committment issues,eh?) you are soo inlove with him, damn kace! the last time i went to taft, you were glowing! hehe. hey kace, take care of ces ok? im not anymore just a few floors away,and since you two are the ones who are always together, you are the one that can help her immediately. you know how fragile ces is. how does it feel when there is no more drought? hehe. i love you kace. kiss kiss.

for les:
last time i saw you, i took a very long look at you. i was trying to remember how we were when we first met back in grade school, how our friendship grew in the succeding years, and how we became a part of each others life. time flies so fast les, i remember in gradeschool, we would eat your "baon" (until highschool naman eh) oreo was our favorite, pagkaing payatas as we call it. im scared les, because the thought of losing you is present. what if you never come back? as i was staring at you, i just wanted to hold you, i wanted to hold my friend, one of my bestfriends, i wanted to hold the gradeschool leslie. les, whatever life has in-store for you, just hold on to the faith ok? and remember, wherever you may be, i will always be ready to be that somebody you can lean on. or somebody who will knock some sense in you. hehe. (kala mo super drama lng noh? hehe)

for marla:
so can we party at your place now? hehe. i want to spend one morning in tapa with you. just for old times' sake. i havnt seen you for so long.and it saddens me so much. my dear, im still using my sun, im just a call away. hay marlita. nagiging tibo ka na ba jan? eheh. do you remember the time when we will stay outside your classroom, just passing the time away...how i wash we can do that again. then maybe you can teach me how to play "why" again, i cant seem to remember the chords for that song.damn it. marla, cmon, adventure tyo ulit. i miss you so much already.

for toni:
baby baby, you still have alot of things to tell me. i feel awlful because i know i havnt been there for you especially now, but i promise im here now, im all ears. you can tell me. we shouldnt feel aloof with one another. i care for you so much and i dont want anybody hurting our baby. i know we havnt bonded for the longest time, but im gonna make it up to you toni. my visit in pearl is long overdue, that trip is on top of my priority. i promise.

for pia:
where are you? you know how much i miss you? you already know that i pass by your house every morning when im on my way to school right? everytime i do, i would hope and pray that i see you standing outside your house so i could shout "PIA HI!" to you! pia???!!! where are you? magparamdam ka namn!

for nikki:
i dont know if youll ever get to read this, but just in case. if there is one person in this world that i miss the most, its you. i feel so deprived for the reason that we were one year short of bonding time. and though i understand why it was so, still i cannot help but feel like there could have been so much more. but all turned out so well. as ive told you before, tears streamed down my face when i saw him. he is such a blessing. i can feel it. i know that now you have a lot of things to do, so much responsibilities, so much work, but i really hope you can squeeze in some time for us to see each other, kung hindi, kikidnappin ka na namin sa katipunan! hehe. i luv u nix.

my message(s) for the boys will be in part two. until then.

a moment inlove

2005-11-23T08:40:00.000+08:00

it was shakespeare inlove.

the scenes, the dialogues, the expression, the emotion, the thrill. as though it was slowly drowning me in the sea of what i can faintly remember as love. i found myself engrossed in each act. listening very carefully in every word uttered. i was hypnotized. the feeling i have been trying to deny myself of suddenly, without me being aware of it, overpowered me.

i felt love. inlove.

the memories of love came rushing back to me. the bliss of it all. the skipping of the heart, the smile that i cant wipe off my face, the feeling of fullness and security, the feeling that everything is just brighter than it was before. i was inlove.

then, it was finished.

snap.

i was out of the trance in which the movie has placed me.

im in reality once again.

numb love. not inlove.

romeo: with love's light wings did i o'erperch these walls;
for stony limits cannot hold love out,
and what love can do, that dares love attempt...

i just moved in

2005-11-19T10:28:00.000+08:00

i moved here from yahoo's 360. yahoo sucks when it comes to things like this.

anyway.

welcome to me.

welcome jez.