i guess it was too good to be true. finally after three years im inlove with somebody, and that somebody was inlove with me. BIG mistake.
rewind 3 weeks ago...
we had a "thing". he was all sweet. "dear, gusto mo tabi tayo?" "isipin mo nalang anjan ako with you" "dear, i cant understand this garbage called math". i fell.
two weeks ago...
him: "may game ako, would you wait up for me?"
me: "sure, dear"
few hours later...
him: "thanks for waiting up for me"
fast forward a little bit...
him: "i love you"
this is where it all started.
the next night we spent in each others arms watching the sun rise. symbolic for me. a new day, a new life with the man that i love. i guess i shouldve took notice on what is to be seen in the horizon, the biggest dumpsite in the philippines where hundreds of people died because of a trash-slide. i guess it was god's way of telling me the disaster up ahead.
a blissful "love" that i called. a few kilig moments. while i tried to make everybody believe that our love was true regardless of how fast we got together. what was the line again? oh yeah, "whats there to wait for, eh, mahal ko na sya". stupid stupid stupid.
one week ago...
he didnt show up for clearance day, the last time we could probably see each other before i fly to japan. i let it pass. he was scared daw eh, to see his grades. fine. forced myself to understand.
next day, he didnt live up to his promise of sending me my morning message. let it pass. he did something daw. next day, he didnt text me at all, wala daw load. next day, flag bearer of something. hmm. im smelling something not good. i suddenly felt a very familiar feeling. im gonna lose this guy soon.
two nights ago..
after gulping down 2 bottles of gin, i finally had the courage to confront him. i said it all. he said he loved me, and that he didnt want to lose me. love me? but you dont want to talk to me? what? i just told him to think about it, and tell me. i refuse to be the one to end the relationship. he has to end it.
lo and behold. he broke up with me. and i gave him a piece of my mind.
i cant make up something more detailed and elaborate than that. my mind is just clouding with too many thoughts.
i find it hard to breathe.
im back to that endless pit of darkness and lonliness.
its true huh? when you risk big, you lose big.